*START reading from the LAST Paragraph.*

Okay, in case you're unaware, the cosmetics are from NYX. And NYX brand cosmetics are unavailable in Sephora. I used the Sephora paper bag just because I wanted it as its background. It was ordered online because I have yet to see the brand sold in drugstores or even Sephora. Maybe Ulta and Walmart sells it, but they are in America. Oh Singapore, when are you going to import fabulous products like this? Okay, once again, I looked up Makeupalley to see the reviews of the cosmetics I bought. The two eyeshadows shades- Gunmetal and Silver,have up to 100% of the buyers purchasing again. It's highly pigmented, so I thought I would give it a try. Indeed, it's so damn suitable for smokey eyes. There's the NYX Jumbo Eyepencil in Black, which I intend to use it as a base for GRAY smokey eyes.The white eyepencil beside that Jumbo Eyepencil is meant to illustrate bigger eyes, at the inner corner of my bottom lash line. Or water line? If that's what you call it. The two shades of lipsticks are Frosted Pink, a pink shade with a tint of silver in it, and Ruby Red, which is like, blood red. Hahah, overall, I find NYX cosmetics comparable to MAC, if not as good as MAC.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3:32 AM

"Your nonchalance and negligence left me battered and scarred in the holy santuary. Needless to say, I've contemplated on shrugging off all responsibilities and leaving for good. How could rejection co-exist with Harmony?"
-Pentecostal YouQian-


"It's getting harder to pretend, and I'm not coming back around again."
-Pentecostal YouQian-


"No strings of attachment left. Every ounce of unforgiveness and dissatisfaction, I've chosen to let go. On ONE condition, and that is, I'm leaving."
-Pentecostal YouQian-

(*All quoted from my Facebook Profile.)


I'm DEJECTED. Inflicted with unnecessary HURT. I wanted to yell at you, to scream and tug at your collar. I wanted to strike you downright with my harsh words, to stir up remorse in you. I wanted you to cry over the loss of someone you failed to appreciate, and trample your pride on the ground. These, I wanted all. But I couldn't, and you know I wouldn't.

It's as brittle as porcelain, as fragile as glass. My heart was illustrated by a mug, a porcelain one. The first time you release your grip, I landed on soft ground. The next time you let go, I fell on harder ground. Each time you loosen, each time I chip off and crack. Am I supposed to, as porcelain, transform into plastic? Am I supposed to harden my heart and grow cold? My tolerance has reached its limit, and my sensitivity oozing. Fine, let me tell you what is my intention.

May my departure knock some senses into you. Do some soul-searching. Reflect on your errors. May there be no future victims. There's no way I am continuing. There's no way I am turning back. Blame me for being heartless. Blame me for being inhumane. Blame me for all you want. I've lost all the warmth and passion. I've cast everything aside to get this clear to you. You can't afford to, but I can. When I give it up, I wouldn't even shed a tear over the whole incident. Everything is but a quick procedure. Hurt turns into Anger, then into Nonchalance. I will act according to my sense of 'discernment' if it isn't failing me. You just have to know that, I. DON'T. GIVE. A. DAMN.

Yes, save it. Don't waste your time. I risk criticisms. I risk tarnishing my 'reputation'. I risk losing many things. Do you think that makes me hesitate? Hell No. You knew from the start I wouldn't get clingy and depressed. You were so very right. Oh, in case you miss it, I think it's best you stop persuading me. It's annoying.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 4:10 AM

I've been actively engaged in researching recently.While I was up for some religious learning, I ran into a topic 'Occult meaning',and I'd pretty much share whatever was assimilated within me. Be it the mindset of Celebrities or even Awarding Ceremonies in the Music Industry, it has been proven that these celebrities are indeed Project Monarch victims, just as the ceremonies carried out are filled with Illuminati intentions. 'Brainwashed' is definitely a term I would classify these 'willing victims' under. The knowledge of Illuminati within me is rather vague, but according to what I eventually came to know, they worship the Devil. Celebrities have sold their souls to the Devil, roaming in the secular world to attain the fame and success they desired so badly for. Taking a look at these victims, I've clearly realized that they are no different from those MK-Ultra victims who seemingly were controlled and manipulated like a puppet. The only difference was, MK-Ultra victims were not given the freedom of choices and needed to compel while the Project Monarch victims hand-picked their own 'fate'. Indeed, PARADOXICAL.
Take for instance, Lady Gaga. She's bestowed with talents related to Music, but she has applied them wrongly. Look at her videos, do you observe a certain trend? The background sometimes do have checkered patterns or even 'black and white' twirls. Her dance movements and even the way she portrays herself seem as though she is a ROBOT. Yes, her slightly degenerate persona illustrated the symptoms of a mind control victim. It's conspicuous.
I personally have no extra time to spare by going anti-gaga and spending more hours picking out on her 'Anti-Christ' syndrome. Whether she is going to be cursed for cursing God or not, I'm not needed in either senario. The life of hers, how she will live it, will eventually teach everyone a lesson. If the fame she sought after with her life is worthy of selling her soul to the World, or if feeding her own flesh and tormenting her spiritual growth helps her attain success, she'll lose something precious in return. She can remain oblivious and nonchalant about her spiritual needs, so all I've got to say is, Leave my Religion alone. You may believe you've got nothing to lose, and even when the situation may seem right and pleasing in your sight, never use Blasphemy to survive in the Music Industry. It's as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke. Like really.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 2:39 AM

I've never suspected the fact that deep down, within me, I've always been interested in the topic- Politics. This isn't about me aspiring to be delegated affairs of the state, but simply, expressing my concern for the Nation. First, it was President George W. Bush . Later on, MM Lee Kuan Yew and subsequently, upon purchasing 'The Audacity of Hope' written by President Barack Obama, I went crazy when I heard him deliver his speech. The GE 2011 left me crazy over Mr Chen Show Mao. Oh Puh-lease, it's not infatuation or some crush kind of thing. It's just sending me crazy like a fan screaming her heart out when she sees her idol. I've to admit, I am a huge fan of this Politician, because he has this gentle demeanor no one else have. He has this serious expression that displayed maturity and wisdom. And, everyone began teasing me with stuff like, 'Hey, why are you always interested in older men?' 'Are you serious?! They are not young anymore!' 'Gosh! They may be full of vigor and probably blooming with exuberance, but being a fan of them is absolute madness!' Yeah, everyone has predicted the fact that I seriously am out of my mind. I am. I admit, I must have been CRAZY. I need deliverance. But I supposed, prefering their maturity and intelligence is SO DAMN FINE. At times, I do wonder if I might even end up interested in older men. Somehow, much older guys. I've tried diverting my attention to young, gorgeous idols but they just don't send me going GA-GA even if I'm a fan.
This is bad... But who cares? There's no right or wrong with preferring older men. I know it may sound sick, but I mean, handsome OLD men. Ridiculous huh? It has become a habit already.
Hahah.


* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 2:46 AM

Life has never been better than this, in terms of stress accumulated. But my main focus isn't this. I'm more interested in the General Election 2011, which determines whether the PAP is able to secure its position. Judging from the fact that the Worker's Party is equally strong in terms of obtaining votes, or rather, winning peoples' hearts, it's highly possible that PAP will face tremendous pressure with the presence of the opposition.
PAP: I'm really grateful for all the efforts put in by MM Lee, the man who transformed Singapore from a bustling port into a country which ranked 4th in terms of its wealth. Once a colony, and even now, a country with absolutely no natural resources, the possibility of Singapore thriving is indeed low. Yet, God bestowed upon MM Lee such intelligence and maturity it served as a form of help in improving the lives of Singaporeans. Of course, forefathers also include SM Goh Chok Tong and even PM Lee Hsien Loong, who plays a part in managing Singapore. I'm truly appreciative of their intelligence and efforts in maintaining Singapore despite trivial matters. No one can satisfy the whole Singapore. Neither can anyone do a better job than the PAP in managing Singapore, if no one can understand or even be grateful for their work. But sometimes, if there is a slight effort in spending more time being a listening ear to the needy, if the MPs are better able to understand Singaporeans by trying to be in our shoes, then the election wouldn't have been this enervating. Rather than increasing taxes and even locking up a certain sum which seems invisible, the government could have kept mouths shut by looking from OUR point of view. If the MPs doesn't disappear right after the Election, or avoid places like the markets and hawker centres, I'm sure they could have won more hearts, more votes. If the government doesn't press the poor over the interests of the loans, or insist that their idea in mind is flawless, others would turn around to take another look at the PAP, and probably give it a shot in understanding their hard work. Looking at the bulk of comments made by dissatisfied Singaporeans, however, it left me perturbed and disappointed...
WP: I'm fascinated, totally impressed with their speeches. I'm amazed at what plans they do have for Singapore. I like to see the genuine smile of Mr Low Thia Khiang. I like to watch the gestures and listen to Mr Chen Show Mao's speech. All in all, I am simply impressed with their efforts as well. Yeah, Mr Chen simply brings to me a feeling as though I'm a crazy fan of him. I AM, in fact.

The world of politics is simply too complicated...

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 7:10 AM

Guess what? Here I'm blogging, there you're reading. To anyone and everyone, I'm gonna swear that I've never flared up at anyone. Never in my life. I've never attempted to raise my voice or give you the cold shoulder because I'm pretty sure that's the action of the immature. To people with attitude problem, I've relented and I understood the 'mental' state you're in. Be it you being grouchy or sarcastic, I've always close an eye to your idiosyncrasies. To people who are hopelessly MEAN, your harsh words was never once taken seriously. I allowed you to continue blabbering simply because I'm unlike you. We are different, worlds apart. To people who are egoistical and self-righteous, I gave in, not because you were right in your opinion, but because I couldn't be bothered with you. Listen, your mere opinion never changes my beliefs- Butt off OPINION, Facts please. Why the heck am I telling you this load of crap? Because you are giving me a heck lot of BullSHIT.
Yet this is an exceptional case. I've always offered you a listening ear, always trying to change this hopeless habit of yours. You swayed like the wind, and I finally understood the meaning of grasping oil with my bare hands. It's USELESS. It's PATHETIC. Absolute waste of TIME.
To Me, a promise is a promise. You asked me to go, but I waited for you. You asked me to leave, but I didnt heed your instruction because I knew things weren't this simple. But if this PATIENCE is taken for granted and treated as waste, then you Jolly Well fend for youself. If you find this Patience immature, what the heck is on your BRAIN? Maturity? Intelligence? Supernatural Powers? HEY YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! You think you are the person with a sense of Justice and you manipulate others like they are 'pawns' on your chess. IT'S A POOL OF SHIT. SHIT. YOU, ARE FILLED WITH SELF-INDULGENCE AND SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS BUT YOU NEVER KNEW, Just how many people are SICK and Disgusted by your IMMATURE Action. You wanna talk about Maturity? About Saving me and the WHOLE WORLD? SAVE YOURSELF! WATCH YOUR YARD BEFORE YOU EVEN TOUCH MINE! If you're thinking I've a second to spend, I would never WASTE it on a person who isn't worthy of it. I am leaving you to ROT all you want for all I care. Don't test my limits, Don't even bother trying to mess with me. I am warning you to watch your back because you are as sickening and slimy as a slug. For GOODNESS SAKE! Being NICE to you doesn't mean I'm a MEEK fella you can vent your frustrations on. Being Tolerant with you doesn't mean you've the authority to trample on me. LOOK, you wanna do that? I have all the time in the world. Yeah, we make each other's life miserable like those 'SLUTS' (Sorry for the improper term used, I have no other words) in the 'Mean Girls' movie. Isn't that idiotic? Isn't that a waste of time? Then DONT EVEN TAUNT ME. Don't ever think of raising your tenor, I'm gonna make sure I stuff COW Manure right in to MUFFLE the SOUND. Like really.

P.S I may Sound really MAD, but THIS is just a WAY I loved to express things. I may be exaggerating for the sake of doing so, But mind you. It's YOU. No point turning around and feigning ignorance, it's just YOU.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3:50 AM

Bombarding myself with mind boggling questions about life is one thing. Yet, comprehending the exact definition of it is another. I imposed upon myself the revelation of one query in life. Yet, there hasn't been a definite answer to this stupefying question.
I've been searching for love that was lost several years ago, since Hurt completely demolished the Pillar of Faith. In my religious walk the Lord, there were sweet moments, so pleasant it's tooth decaying. I am fully aware of how GOD has imput a strong faith in my life, a faith in Him I thought would never falter yet it happened otherwise. I clearly hadn't been affected by circumstances, and in many situations managed to balance on the solid rock. Yet, when I thought my grip on the Lord's arm was firm enough, I slipped and plunged right down. All because, my form of respect and care for others were simply regarded as a form of 'entertainment'. They took it for a joke. They disrespected me for who I am. They cast aside the fundamental form of love which I offered with my hands, to the point I started bleeding. And, even though GOD did me no wrong, I avoided HIM. I refused to run into HIS embrace when I was bruised spiritually. It exhausted all the infatuation and enthusiasm I once had when I was in Church.
Yet, these hurt eventually moulded me, into the shape God wants me to be. He was trimming away the damaged ends, so that I could blossom into a contagious Christian. Everything happened for a purpose. And I absolutely believe, that I was appointed, to be a Woman of God, a woman who will spend Eternity with Him.
So I've given up trying to get Him to answer me on why I had to experience this, and why was my Faith trampled on in Church. Because I know it was unintentional, yet, a good form of experience.

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 1:14 AM